FALL so far

I used to be a summer kind of girl. I've always loved the sun and the heat, and I'm not going to lie...I enjoy being tan. But things have changed. It's called working. I think one of the reasons I loved summer so much is because during the first 20 years of my life, it meant I had 3 months of freedom! I guess I should have become a teacher, but instead, I married one. Nothing like leaving your hubby and child at home on a beautiful sunny day while you go in to work...for 3 months in a row! No, I'm not bitter. ;)

So I had a a change of heart. I decided that Fall is my new favorite season. And so far, this fall is confirming that decision. It's been beautiful. The weather has been fair, the rain has held off, and the pumpkin spice lattes have been at their finest. Plus, I recently purchased an awesome sweater that I've worn almost every day for the last month. It's been the first thing I put on in the morning as I go grab my cup of coffee and then crawl back in to bed to read until Wyatt wakes up.

I have some posts in the works with what we've been up to this month, but for now, here's a little peek at fall so far...

More to come...

impromptu shoot

A few months ago our good friends Scott & Sage came to stay with us. It was a quick trip, but Sage is an excellent photographer (check out her work here: http://sagefitchettphotography.com/) and decided to take a few quick shots of our little guy. It's crazy how much he's changed even since these pictures were taken. He's truly growing up so fast...he'll be 18 months next week.

We love our little monster!

Whatever It Takes

Yes, I'm back. Are you surprised? I know it's been 3 months, but I was just struggling with how to get back into the swing of things. The long hiatus wasn't due to lack of time, or lack of things to share. It was simply a lack of "know-how." I just didn't know how to go from writing about Sara to writing about going to the zoo? Bleh. Blah. Bluh.

So what did it take to get me to post again? I had knee surgery on Tuesday. It was nothing serious...just a minor, arthroscopic, get in there & clean things up sort of surgery. But I've been tied to the couch for the last 4 days and a person can only spend so much time on Facebook and Pinterest. I decided I had the time, so I might as well go for it.


So what have we been up to these last 3 months? Here is a quick recap of our summer through pictures:


Went on vacation with my side of the family to Bodega Bay, CA:

Spent many a sunny afternoon at the park playing in the water:

Played with Wyatt's best little girlfriend, Nora:

Discovered how much Wyatt loves black beans at Baja Fresh:

Had some good quality time with Brett's side of the family:

Attempted about 20 family pictures:

Took Wyatt on his first zoo trip where he perfected his elephant noise:

& realized we have quite the little athlete on our hands:

There is so much more that went on this summer - it was crazy busy! But this turned out to be a pretty packed post (say that 10x's fast), so I'll be back with more summer happenings and pictures in the next couple weeks. Or maybe even in the next couple days while I'm still tied to the couch (in between facebook stalking and pinning cool projects that I'll probably never do).

Happy Friday!

it's a new day

Yesterday marked 1 month of Sara being gone...and exactly 2 years since her doctor's appointment where the initial fear of cancer was brought to our attention. I didn't enjoy yesterday...to say the very least.

But, today is a new day. I woke up to the sunshine streaming through our windows and my baby singing in his crib. My in-laws were here so I left Wyatt with them to go run a few errands. I got my haircut and grabbed some Starbucks where I ran in to a dear friend's dad. There is something about dads, in general, that can make you feel so encouraged. Good dads, that is. I came home to Wyatt napping and a clean, calm house, thanks to my wonderful mother-in-law. And now, as I sit here sipping my coffee, I feel a sense of peace. The sunshine helps so much. I'd like to think that after all the rainy days we've had this week, and the horrible day I had yesterday, God knew I needed the sunshine today. He knew I needed to feel His presence and be reminded of Sara's new, amazing life with Him. There's never a cloudy day in heaven...I think Sara probably makes it even brighter.

So I am going to enjoy today... I'll enjoy the sunshine and soak up all I can from this little guy.

Hope it's sunny wherever you are too!

shining on

I have no idea how to appropriately begin this post. And as a warning, it will probably be long, and a bit depressing. But I hope to encourage at least one person's heart through this, even if it's just my own. Please bare with me.

The last 2 years have been an absolute whirlwind (specifically these last 2 months). There are many days when I have to remind myself that it's real. What seems to be a "this only happens to other people" story is now, in fact, my story. I don't like to say it out loud. I don't even like to think it. Because that makes it real. And I would rather live thinking I will wake up from this nightmare. But what I cling to is that it's no longer a nightmare for Sara. She's living the ultimate dream for all eternity. That makes me smile and breathe a huge sigh of relief for her.

I miss her every day, every hour...I find myself not knowing how or what to feel. When my heart is sad and broken, I feel as though I should be happy for her, focusing on the fact that she is pain-free, dancing and singing, and in absolute awe of her Savior. When I am relieved because of those things, I feel as though I should be hurting and sad that she's no longer with us. It's an endless circle. I know that's normal. It doesn't feel normal.

So when people ask me a sincere, "How are you doing?" I really don't know how to answer. I want to say "Good." That sounds heartless. I want to say "Horrible." That sounds, well, horrible. I know people understand, but I don't.

In a way, I am so relieved. She no longer has to suffer. She is not giving this world a second thought. She wouldn't rather be here than where she is. She is 100% healed and pain-free. For that, my heart sings. But in the same breath, I am so sad. Sad for all the things I will be missing of/with her. Sad for my parents and siblings and Sara's close friends....all the things they will be missing of/with her. See, you don't grieve the death of a person, you grieve the loss of a relationship. And each of our relationships with her were so special. She treated each of us like we were the most special, important person in her life. She made us all better, happier people.

I keep thinking about how happy she always was, even during the last 2 years of her battling cancer and facing death. Most would have thrown in the towel on finding happiness and joy through that sort of pain and suffering. But not her. She was so strong. Stronger than I would have ever expected.

She was at an age where her life should have been starting, but instead, it was ending. All of her friends' (and even us siblings') lives were just beginning. New jobs, finding love, marriage, starting families, etc. It's all what Sara had always imagined her life would look like at age 22. But instead of being mad and jealous, she was so happy for everyone and the joy they were experiencing in their lives. Don't get me wrong. She was, at times, sad. She expressed in her prayer journal that she was sad for all the things she would be missing out on. But she always followed those thoughts with a prayer like the following: "Lord, if that is not what you have for me, help me to live my life so that others may see your love. Help me to be a shining light for you." Amazing. Challenging. Inspiring. Sara.

Sara could have been upset and bitter about all she was missing out on, but she wasn't. Even during the immense pain and suffering she was experiencing, she couldn't help but be happy for those she loved. So now, as I face pain and hurt, I remember her example. Sara is experiencing the greatest joy and life there is. She is where all of us should desire to be some day. So even though I am dealing with grief and heartache, I need to be happy for her. Because that's how she was and would have been for me.

There is so much more I could say, but I'll end with the following: I know I will never move on from this, but I will live on. Sara's life and death have challenged me more than I've ever been challenged in my faith. And because of her example, I have committed to living a better life. A life that is dedicated to being a "shining light for Him."

I'm keeping a fresh vase of these on my table. They were Sara's favorite flowers and totally remind me of her every time I see them. Bright and sunny...and happy.