Christmas: the good, the hard & the memories

I really do love Christmas. It's such a fun time of year with such a significant meaning. Christmas decorations & music, holiday parties & white elephant gifts, cold weather & warm sweaters, and the horrible for you food & yummy holiday drinks. It's all so good!

our first Christmas tree for our first Christmas in our first home (that's a lot of firsts)

The hard (but still good) thing is, everything about the Christmas season reminds me of Sara. And if you read my mom's blog, or talk to my other family members, you've heard them say it too: Sara loved Christmas. She loved the red holiday cups at Starbucks, the movie White Christmas, singing Christmas songs at the top of her lungs, fighting for the last scotchmallow in the See's box, any excuse to wear red or have red fingernails, and spending countless hours in Target finding presents. But mostly, she just loved when we were all together.

my favorite ornament pairing

I have so many great memories of Sara and Christmas. Fun memories. Hilarious memories. Countless memories. So that's what I'm going to try and focus on this Christmas and every Christmas to come. Not how sad I am that she isn't here, but how great things were when she was. And how blessed we still are.

Here are some pictures from the past several Christmases.

2006 - before all the spouses

2008 - after the Christmas Eve service with the addition of Brett & Brady to the family.

2008 - gingerbread house contest: girls vs. boys. unfortunately, the boys won.

2009 - 6 months after Sara's diagnosis, 5 months into my pregnancy with Wyatt, and days before Sam & Kimberly's engagement.

2009 - Sara and her "fake boyfriend" Jacob. Courtesy of her besties.

2010 - Playing a game of Quelf. Games with Sara were always entertaining.

2010 - Wyatt's first Christmas. Sara's last. Their only.

Miss you so much this Christmas and always!

answering the question - how was your trip?

At the beginning of October, Wyatt and I took a trip to my parents' house for a long weekend. I had been super busy with work and was in need of a few days off. Plus, my older sister, Heidi, was heading home for the weekend too. It was a much needed time of relaxing and being with family.

It was the first time I had been back home since Sara's service in May. It was a little difficult. I found myself just wanting to sit in "her chair" all the time. It made me feel closer to her somehow. I couldn't, however, work up the emotional energy to go to her grave site. I've struggled with that side of things from the beginning. It's interesting how all of us (in our family) deal with things so differently. It makes it difficult to know how to talk about it at times. I know my parents and siblings want to be there for me (and vice versa), but I don't necessarily want to "burden" them with my pain when they are dealing with enough pain of their own. We all know it's not burdening each other, but it's hard not to feel that way. It's one thing to grieve as an individual, but how do you grieve as a family? We're working through all of that. All I can say is, I am so thankful for a family who knows God and loves each other. I can't imagine going through this grief and sorrow if those two things weren't true.

Speaking of family, we really did have a good time with each other. Wyatt was the center of attention, as always, and I'm pretty sure he didn't mind it. He really loves his "boppa" and "maama" which is toddler talk for grandpa and grandma.

And he's still working on saying "Heidi." It sort of comes out as "hi-e"

In true Fallon fashion, my dad and I took Wyatt out to the dairy. There were a bunch of brand new calves and Wyatt enjoyed walking by and waving at them all.

But then he spotted the tractors and was quickly done with the cows. His tractor and truck noise is "mah mah" with a slight grunt behind it. It sounds a bit like "mama," which makes it somewhat embarrassing when he says it out in public while pointing at large trucks. Ah well.

We were able to go to church on Sunday and I always enjoy hearing my dad speak. He spoke from Philippians 4 on how we should live: joyfully, gracefully, prayerfully, thoughtfully, purposefully & gratefully. And how all these things are prerequisites for contentment. He reminded us that in order to truly be content, we need to embrace God's provision and God's sovereignty. Only then will we find an inner rest and peace that comes from being right with God and knowing He's in control.

It was exactly what I needed to hear, Dad. I should have told you that sooner. Thank you for having the strength to talk about something so difficult and so close to home.

So yeah...overall, it was a really good trip. Hard, but good, which seems to be the answer to most questions these days. Good thing the two can coincide with each other.

it's a new day

Yesterday marked 1 month of Sara being gone...and exactly 2 years since her doctor's appointment where the initial fear of cancer was brought to our attention. I didn't enjoy yesterday...to say the very least.

But, today is a new day. I woke up to the sunshine streaming through our windows and my baby singing in his crib. My in-laws were here so I left Wyatt with them to go run a few errands. I got my haircut and grabbed some Starbucks where I ran in to a dear friend's dad. There is something about dads, in general, that can make you feel so encouraged. Good dads, that is. I came home to Wyatt napping and a clean, calm house, thanks to my wonderful mother-in-law. And now, as I sit here sipping my coffee, I feel a sense of peace. The sunshine helps so much. I'd like to think that after all the rainy days we've had this week, and the horrible day I had yesterday, God knew I needed the sunshine today. He knew I needed to feel His presence and be reminded of Sara's new, amazing life with Him. There's never a cloudy day in heaven...I think Sara probably makes it even brighter.

So I am going to enjoy today... I'll enjoy the sunshine and soak up all I can from this little guy.

Hope it's sunny wherever you are too!

shining on

I have no idea how to appropriately begin this post. And as a warning, it will probably be long, and a bit depressing. But I hope to encourage at least one person's heart through this, even if it's just my own. Please bare with me.

The last 2 years have been an absolute whirlwind (specifically these last 2 months). There are many days when I have to remind myself that it's real. What seems to be a "this only happens to other people" story is now, in fact, my story. I don't like to say it out loud. I don't even like to think it. Because that makes it real. And I would rather live thinking I will wake up from this nightmare. But what I cling to is that it's no longer a nightmare for Sara. She's living the ultimate dream for all eternity. That makes me smile and breathe a huge sigh of relief for her.

I miss her every day, every hour...I find myself not knowing how or what to feel. When my heart is sad and broken, I feel as though I should be happy for her, focusing on the fact that she is pain-free, dancing and singing, and in absolute awe of her Savior. When I am relieved because of those things, I feel as though I should be hurting and sad that she's no longer with us. It's an endless circle. I know that's normal. It doesn't feel normal.

So when people ask me a sincere, "How are you doing?" I really don't know how to answer. I want to say "Good." That sounds heartless. I want to say "Horrible." That sounds, well, horrible. I know people understand, but I don't.

In a way, I am so relieved. She no longer has to suffer. She is not giving this world a second thought. She wouldn't rather be here than where she is. She is 100% healed and pain-free. For that, my heart sings. But in the same breath, I am so sad. Sad for all the things I will be missing of/with her. Sad for my parents and siblings and Sara's close friends....all the things they will be missing of/with her. See, you don't grieve the death of a person, you grieve the loss of a relationship. And each of our relationships with her were so special. She treated each of us like we were the most special, important person in her life. She made us all better, happier people.

I keep thinking about how happy she always was, even during the last 2 years of her battling cancer and facing death. Most would have thrown in the towel on finding happiness and joy through that sort of pain and suffering. But not her. She was so strong. Stronger than I would have ever expected.

She was at an age where her life should have been starting, but instead, it was ending. All of her friends' (and even us siblings') lives were just beginning. New jobs, finding love, marriage, starting families, etc. It's all what Sara had always imagined her life would look like at age 22. But instead of being mad and jealous, she was so happy for everyone and the joy they were experiencing in their lives. Don't get me wrong. She was, at times, sad. She expressed in her prayer journal that she was sad for all the things she would be missing out on. But she always followed those thoughts with a prayer like the following: "Lord, if that is not what you have for me, help me to live my life so that others may see your love. Help me to be a shining light for you." Amazing. Challenging. Inspiring. Sara.

Sara could have been upset and bitter about all she was missing out on, but she wasn't. Even during the immense pain and suffering she was experiencing, she couldn't help but be happy for those she loved. So now, as I face pain and hurt, I remember her example. Sara is experiencing the greatest joy and life there is. She is where all of us should desire to be some day. So even though I am dealing with grief and heartache, I need to be happy for her. Because that's how she was and would have been for me.

There is so much more I could say, but I'll end with the following: I know I will never move on from this, but I will live on. Sara's life and death have challenged me more than I've ever been challenged in my faith. And because of her example, I have committed to living a better life. A life that is dedicated to being a "shining light for Him."

I'm keeping a fresh vase of these on my table. They were Sara's favorite flowers and totally remind me of her every time I see them. Bright and sunny...and happy.

let's face it

Yes, it's true....I'm back. For now at least. I can't promise I'll keep up with it like I used to, but I'll sure do my best.

See, here's the thing: I have definitely been putting this off. For multiple reasons. The main reason being, I don't even know where to start. So much has happened/is happening in our lives and I haven't wanted to face it. But I've had some time to deal with reality and I decided it's time. So let's just get right to it...

If you're reading this blog, you should be aware of what's going on with my sister. If you're not, then I have no idea who you are, but you can click on the link to the right that says "Sara's Story" and get up to speed. My mom has done an excellent job of sharing all that is going on with Sara and honestly, I am proud to call her my mom. If you have read any of her posts, you know why. She's amazing. And strong. And trusts God with her whole heart. And I hope and pray that some day I can be the kind of woman/mother she is.

Obviously, things have been pretty difficult lately, and I struggle with how to "feel." Most of the time, I'm just sad. Then I'm angry, with a tinge of guilt for feeling that way. Later I feel hopeful. And so it goes. My emotions change every day, every hour. It affects every aspect of my life. And I worry. I worry about how much life will change. I worry about not being a good wife, mom, daughter, sister, friend. But more so, I worry about Sara, my parents, and my siblings. And even Sara's friends. The whole thing is just too much. And I just want to be there with her, enjoying every moment we can.

Most of the time I find myself saying/thinking/writing: "I JUST DON'T KNOW!" And while that's how I feel most of the time, here are some things I do know to be true, in no particular order:

*I am proud to be a Swenson. I have an amazing family and am so thankful for the strength and love we have in each other.

*Sara is the strongest person I know. Through all of this, she still manages to smile, laugh, joke and love.

*Wyatt was the timeliest blessing of all. God knew we needed him in our lives, and blessed us with a beautiful, happy, funny little man, just when we needed him most. We are beyond thankful to have him as he brings such joy and happiness to us all.

*God is good. And He is big enough to handle my frustrations when I struggle with the "how's and why's" of everything. I also know that His plan is sovereign. He has been and will continue to use Sara and her story in the lives of many.

*I have a wonderful husband who loves me deeply and is standing by my side every step of the way. What a man.

*God understands pain. He is our strength when we are weak.

*We are beyond blessed to have the friends and family we do. Since day one there has been an outpouring of love, support and encouragement from those close to us, as well as some who have never even met Sara. In the last 2 months especially, I have been brought to tears several times by the thoughtfulness and generosity of so many. I can't even begin to express my gratitude.

*Joy and sorrow can walk hand in hand with one another. Even in the midst of pain, Wyatt will still light up when he sees me, coffee will still taste good, my family will still be funny, Brett will still make me laugh, and best of all, God's mercies will still be new every morning!

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So there you have it. That's all I have on this subject for now. My plan over the next few weeks is to get caught up with this whole blogging thing. Life has still been happening all around me and there really is so much to share. I'd like to use this blog as a place to be normal...as normal as can be considering the circumstances that are anything but.

Here's what to stay tuned for:

* Swenson Family Get Together & Sara's Graduation (the most amazing weekend ever)

* Wyatt Update (he's now almost 11 months and walking...YIKES!)

* Our House (we've been here for almost 3 months now and we love it)

* Working Momma (i've been back at ClubSport since mid November and it's going great)

* and more :)

too much

There is just too much going on right now. I'm overwhelmed and I'm taking a break from blogging. But before I go, let me give you a little info on all that's going on in our lives.

First off, we're buying a house. Yep, we're taking the plunge. We couldn't be more excited, but it's definitely a little overwhelming. We hope to close by the end of this month if all goes well. Here's a little looksy and once things settle down and it actually becomes official, I'll give more details and pics.

Secondly, because of this whole mortgage thing we'll be diving into, we decided I needed to go back to work part time to help us sit a little more comfortably in the $$ dept. God worked it out for me to return part time to my old job at ClubSport. Great thing is, I can take Wyatt with me. They offer free child care for their employees, which is such a blessing. I'll be starting back up this week. It's crazy, but I'm thankful.

Lastly, but WAY more importantly...

Things with my sister have taken a turn. I honestly have no words. My mom posted on CaringBridge so I'll just share her words, since I have none of my own.

We had a difficult weekend. I talked to the oncologist on Friday. He told us that because Sara's cancer has come back so quickly, and in both her lung, AND her leg. . . . it is not good. He said that most likely it will keep coming back, and she has a very slim chance of beating it. Sara has been through the best prescribed protocol of treatment for osteosarcoma, and seemed to respond very well. Now that she has moved into this phase of recurrent disease, we are in more of an unknown arena. There are clinical studies out there for recurrence in the lungs, but the ones that her oncologist knows of, she is no longer eligible for because of the recurrence in her leg. The best thing we can do is to just keep taking those spots out, as long as we can. He said he can give Sara some options about further treatment, but that we need to have that tough conversation and let Sara make some decisions about what she wants in her life right now. So, we have had some TOUGH conversations this past weekend.

We really don't KNOW any more than that. Sara thinks she will most likely opt for a low dose chemotheraphy that she can take and still go back to school. . . . if the side effects are mild enough. She has a list of questions for her oncologist. We are also looking into diet options. The crazy thing is (and I know I've said this before), Sara has always been so HEALTHY. Even now, aside from her limp, and the fact that she is sore and tired all the time, she says she feels good. It is just so hard to believe this is true.

We have seen God's hand constantly through this whole thing. We know that He can still bring miraculous and TOTAL healing, and we pray with every breath that He will. Please pray for Sara, and for us, as we are all struggling to make those hard decisions, and continuing to move forward, trusting God with faith and hope. It is hard for us to talk about, so we trust you understand if we don't respond much right now. We are all still processing and trying to gain a "foothold". Please be especially sensitive in your conversation with Sara. She has always been our eternal optomist. . . finding the good in every situation, always happy, and wanting everyone around her to be happy. She still wants that. She wants to live like God wants her to live. . . . in every sense of that statement. At the same time, our hearts are breaking. . . and we need to be able to acknowledge that as well. Basically, we don't know how to do this.

So this is the verse we are holding on to - Phillippians 4:8-9
"Whatever is TRUE, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is LOVELY, whatever is of good report. . . . . let your mind dwell on these things. . . . and the God of PEACE shall be with you".

It's too much. My mind and heart don't know how to handle everything that's going on. And to be honest, I'm not sure I'll figure it out. I'm overwhelmed and on an emotional rollercoaster. There are such exciting things going on in our lives right now with the new house and the newish job, but their tainted with the reality of what's going on with Sara. So I'm just going to try. I'll try to take it day by day. I'll try to focus on the positive. I'll try to be excited and thankful for all the new blessings in my life. I'll try to be a good wife and a good mom. I'll try to trust in God's plan. And I'll try to lean on His strength and not my own.

Please pray. Pray for a miracle to take place in Sara's body. And pray for my family. For strength and peace and understanding, when it feels like there's none.

she's back

YAY! Sara's back in Salem and I couldn't be more excited...for her and for me. :) A year ago, none of us would have ever imagined this possible, but in true Sara fashion, she has impressed us all with her determination. She's been back for almost 2 weeks now and I can already tell that she is going to do just fine, more than fine actually. I'm so proud of all she has accomplished and can't wait to see what this year has in store for her.

Obviously, I'm super excited to have one of my sister's around, and I'm pretty sure Wyatt is pumped to have an aunt to play with too. Sara's going to be doing me a HUGE favor by watching Wyatt 3 mornings a week so I can teach a class at Corban. So nice of her and so nice for me. In addition, date nights will be making a come back for me and Brett. First one: Thursday night. Woo to the hoo!! :)

LOVE YOU, SARA! Thanks for being such a wonderful auntie, sister and friend.

a year: june 2009 - june 2010

*warning: this is a longer than normal post...but i did include pictures at the end.

o·ver·whelm·ing [oh-ver-hwel-ming]
– adjective

definition:
1. overpowering
2. overcome completely in mind or feeling

Have you ever typed in a word at thesaraus.com hoping to find a word/words that better describes what you're trying to convey? I do it often, but maybe it's because I don't have a good vocabulary, or more so, because I'm not exactly sure what it is I'm trying to convey, and hope that thesaraus.com will help me figure it out. Regardless, this afternoon I was thinking a lot about the past year - from June 2009 to June 2010 - and the only word that kept coming to mind was OVERWHELMING. And while this word definitely describes this past year, I wanted more.

So, I hit up the previous mentioned website and typed in my word: o-v-e-r-w-h-e-l-m-i-n-g.

synonyms: amazing, astounding, crushing, devastating, exciting, eye-opening, mind-boggling, overcoming, paralyzing, shattering, staggering, stunning, vast

I sat and read through the list. . .and read it again. . . slowly. . . thinking about how every single one of the above words totally describes the way I (and I'm sure the rest of my family) feel about what God has done in our lives over the last 12 months.

June 4, 2009 was the day that turned our lives upside down. Our worlds were rocked, and rocked hard! And the crushing, devastating, mind-boggling, paralyzing, staggering and shattering feelings began. It's still hard to think about what all of us went through, dealing with the pain and reality that our happy, energetic, bubbly, funny, smart and beautiful Sara had life threatening cancer. It was unreal.

As my family set out on this difficult journey, God had a totally unexpected, but wonderful blessing in store for us. On July 25, just a month and a half after Sara's diagnosis, Brett and I found out we were expecting! Again, our worlds were rocked, and rocked hard! And the amazing, exciting, mind-boggling, and overcoming feelings came out. At first, I was very scared. Scared that this was the worst timing ever, scared that I wasn't emotionally prepared to be a good mom, scared of what family and friends would think, scared that God was giving us something so good because something so bad was about to happen. . . just plain scared. I was also overcome with a feeling of guilt. Who was I to be experiencing such incredible joy, when my sister was experiencing such incredible pain and suffering? But in time, God showed me that this was His perfect plan. That His ways are SO much bigger and better than my ways. Wyatt truly was the most timely blessing. . . something my family could be excited about, something to distract us from the hell of cancer, something that Sara could look forward to. My feelings of fear and guilt eventually turned to joy and gratitude.

And now, a year later, Sara has fought her way through 3 major surgeries and 36 weeks of chemotherapy, and has held and loved on her nephew to boot. So, as she heads in to what we hope and pray will be her last surgery, we couldn't be more thankful. My mom said it best on Sara's CaringBridge website: "What a year it has been!! God has been very gracious to us through this last year, and we have all learned more than we could ever have imagined . . . in a way we never would have chosen. . . June is a month of great hope for us. We are praying that this surgery brings Sara's leg to a place where she is able to work toward some relatively normal mobility. We are also praying that her first set of "every three month post cancer" scans, which are scheduled for the end of June are totally clear. Sara is doing GREAT right now. Her face has lost that hollowed out look, she has color in her cheeks, eyebrows and eyelashes,and even a little hair on her head (still waiting to see if it might be curly - Sara's wish). She is walking around without her crutches, working on several projects, and yesterday even tried driving!! Our hearts are filled with thankfulness every time we look at her or hear her laughter (which is often). So much to be thankful for!!!!"

Seriously. . . what a year!!

Sara,

You are such a strong woman and I have learned so much from you in the last 12 months. You have an amazing spirit and I have been inspired by your strength and faith, as well as your smile and laugh, more times than I can count this last year. God has used you to touch an incredible amount of lives and I can't wait to see how He is going to use you next. I am SO proud to call you my sister and I know Wyatt will be just as proud to call you his aunt. We love you!!

get it out of there!!!

by tomorrow afternoon/evening, this -

will be GONE!

Sara's surgery is scheduled for tomorrow morning where they will remove the tumor, replace her femur and her knee, and do a partial hip replacement. Bye, bye tumor - hello bionic woman with the titanium leg! It should be about a 4-6 hour surgery. Prayers are deeply appreciated as we are all a bit nervous...especially little miss herself.

what we've been up to:

spending time with family

at the pool / lake / beach

and loving on our adorable nephews

san fran. hospital. amazing sara. stupid cancer. stronger family

I just got back from spending 9 days in San Francisco with family. 7 of those 9 days were spent in the hospital while Sara received her chemo treatments. She was discharged from the hospital for a couple days in between treatments and we were able to enjoy a bit of San Francisco. She'll be at the hospital doing more treatments until the end of the month...but she's already half way through the pre-surgery chemo. She inspires me more and more every day.

little miss sunshine

Thankful for:

support

The kids' musical that Sara normally choreographs for every summer decided to do a benefit performance for her last night. Above is the link to an article written in the local newspaper. We are so thankful for the support from family, friends and the community. When I can't be with my family, it's nice to know that they are being loved and taken care of by those surrounding them.

If You Want Me To

Below is a journal post that my mom put up this evening on my sister's website. I didn't even know about this story until I read it several minutes ago, and seriously...I can't stop the tears.





"When Sara first came home the beginning of June, we had asked her to sing that next Sunday morning in church. She had picked a song that she heard on the radio, and we had been working on it the week that the doctor found the tumor in her leg. It is a song by Ginny Owens called "If You Want Me To". She never sang because of all that happened - but the words show that God has been preparing her heart for this.

"The pathway is broken and the signs are unclear.

And I don't know the reason why You brought me here.

But just because You love me the way that You do,

I'm gonna walk through the valley if You want me to.

'Cause I'm not who I was when I took my first step.

And I'm clingin' to the promise You're not through with me yet.

So if all of these trials bring me closer to You,

then I will go through the fire if You want me to.

It may not be the way I would have chosen,

when You lead me through a world that's not my home.

But You never said it would be easy,

You only said I'll never go alone.

So when the whole world turns against me and I'm all by myself

and I can't hear You answer my cries for help.

I'll remember the suff'ring Your love put YOU through

And I will go through the valley if You want me to. "

Click here to listen to the song.

Catching Up

So obviously, from my earlier posts, my family has been dealing with a lot in these past couple weeks. My sister, Sara, was diagnosed with bone cancer and has since spent many hours/days in the hospital doing test upon test. She gets her port/central line (whatever it's called) put in this morning and then starts her first chemo treatment today. She is seriously AMAZING! She is already such a bright, cheery and inspiring woman that I can only imagine what she'll be like with this success story behind her. I just know she will be even stronger when this is all said and done.

I am not with my family at the moment - I decided to come home and carry on with our life here as normal. I will be making trips back as often as needed to help with things, which, by the way, is totally doable since I had my last day of work the day the doctors found the tumor on Sara's leg - talk about God's perfect timing. It's hard not being with them - I feel sort of helpless - but then I remember, prayer is the strongest help right now.

So that's what I'll do...PRAY...for this beautiful, strong, inspiring, funny, energetic, amazing sister of mine!

Off the subject of Sara kicking cancer's butt...

Life is a bit different for Brett and I around here now, and we are looking forward to a more relaxed summer. He just finished teaching last Friday and now has a few months off - well, sort of. He begins taking a couple classes for his Master's degree next Monday. He'll go Monday through Thursday but just for a couple hours in the morning.

I have started teaching Group Fitness classes at the Courthouse Athletic Club here in Salem. The class is Group Centergy, which is a mix of Pilates and Yoga, and it's on Tuesdays and Thursdays at 5:30am. Yep, that's right, I said AM. For those who know me well, you're laughing...and for good reason. I've NEVER been a morning person, but it's actually not too bad. I've enjoyed getting off to an early start a couple days a week and I am really excited to be back to teaching. I've missed it.

Lastly, we are looking forward to visiting our friends up in Washington this weekend. A good visit with good friends is just what we need right now...

Thank you all for your continued prayers for my sister and our family.

And the journey/battle begins...

Sara had her biopsy today and the doctor is certain that it's osteosarcoma - But the good news is that it is just in her leg and hasn't spread (PRAISE THE LORD!). The results won't be back until the end of this week, but the doctor is already getting us prepared for what's to come because of how certain he is. If he's right, Sara will start chemo next week. The first round of chemo will last about 10-12 weeks. After that, she will have a surgery where they will remove the tumor and giver her a replacement knee/femur bone (not exactly sure of all the details on that). After the surgery, she will probably have to do one more round of chemo and then start aggressive physical therapy to get her back on her feet.

The doctor is confident that she will make a full recovery and be back to walking, running, dancing, etc. when this is all said and done.

Sara is doing amazing through all of this. She seriously doesn't stop smiling and it is such an inspiration to me. Our family is definitely overwhelmed and still trying to wrap our heads around it all, but we know that God has a plan and a purpose through all of this and we are trusting Him.

Thanks again for all your prayers...please continue praying, as this will be a long, tough battle for us all.

Prayer Needed

Please be praying for my little sister, Sara. Doctors found a large tumor on her femur bone this Thursday and are highly suspicious that it is osteosarcoma, a form of bone cancer. She just had some CT scans of her leg and chest done yesterday to see if it's spread or not (please pray that it hasn't and that if it is cancer, it's in the early stages). The doctors here have referred her to an orthopedic oncologist in San Francisco and she is scheduled for a bone biopsy there first thing Monday morning. Once we get the results of the biopsy and the ct scans - we'll know more. If it is cancer, they will probably start chemotherapy right away in hopes to shrink the tumor before going in to remove it. We don't want to jump right to those thoughts before knowing for sure, but we're just trying to prepare for the possibilities.

Our family is emotionally exhausted right now, but trying to stay positive. Sara is dealing with things as best she can. She's obviously scared and overwhelmed, but she's keeping her head high and staying strong.

I am here with my family now and will be travelling with them to San Fran as well...I'll try to update when we know more.

Please pray!!
Proverbs 3:5&6