Yes, it's true....I'm back. For now at least. I can't promise I'll keep up with it like I used to, but I'll sure do my best.
See, here's the thing: I have definitely been putting this off. For multiple reasons. The main reason being, I don't even know where to start. So much has happened/is happening in our lives and I haven't wanted to face it. But I've had some time to deal with reality and I decided it's time. So let's just get right to it...
If you're reading this blog, you should be aware of what's going on with my sister. If you're not, then I have no idea who you are, but you can click on the link to the right that says "Sara's Story" and get up to speed. My mom has done an excellent job of sharing all that is going on with Sara and honestly, I am proud to call her my mom. If you have read any of her posts, you know why. She's amazing. And strong. And trusts God with her whole heart. And I hope and pray that some day I can be the kind of woman/mother she is.
Obviously, things have been pretty difficult lately, and I struggle with how to "feel." Most of the time, I'm just sad. Then I'm angry, with a tinge of guilt for feeling that way. Later I feel hopeful. And so it goes. My emotions change every day, every hour. It affects every aspect of my life. And I worry. I worry about how much life will change. I worry about not being a good wife, mom, daughter, sister, friend. But more so, I worry about Sara, my parents, and my siblings. And even Sara's friends. The whole thing is just too much. And I just want to be there with her, enjoying every moment we can.
Most of the time I find myself saying/thinking/writing: "I JUST DON'T KNOW!" And while that's how I feel most of the time, here are some things I do know to be true, in no particular order:
*I am proud to be a Swenson. I have an amazing family and am so thankful for the strength and love we have in each other.
See, here's the thing: I have definitely been putting this off. For multiple reasons. The main reason being, I don't even know where to start. So much has happened/is happening in our lives and I haven't wanted to face it. But I've had some time to deal with reality and I decided it's time. So let's just get right to it...
If you're reading this blog, you should be aware of what's going on with my sister. If you're not, then I have no idea who you are, but you can click on the link to the right that says "Sara's Story" and get up to speed. My mom has done an excellent job of sharing all that is going on with Sara and honestly, I am proud to call her my mom. If you have read any of her posts, you know why. She's amazing. And strong. And trusts God with her whole heart. And I hope and pray that some day I can be the kind of woman/mother she is.
Obviously, things have been pretty difficult lately, and I struggle with how to "feel." Most of the time, I'm just sad. Then I'm angry, with a tinge of guilt for feeling that way. Later I feel hopeful. And so it goes. My emotions change every day, every hour. It affects every aspect of my life. And I worry. I worry about how much life will change. I worry about not being a good wife, mom, daughter, sister, friend. But more so, I worry about Sara, my parents, and my siblings. And even Sara's friends. The whole thing is just too much. And I just want to be there with her, enjoying every moment we can.
Most of the time I find myself saying/thinking/writing: "I JUST DON'T KNOW!" And while that's how I feel most of the time, here are some things I do know to be true, in no particular order:
*I am proud to be a Swenson. I have an amazing family and am so thankful for the strength and love we have in each other.
*Sara is the strongest person I know. Through all of this, she still manages to smile, laugh, joke and love.
*Wyatt was the timeliest blessing of all. God knew we needed him in our lives, and blessed us with a beautiful, happy, funny little man, just when we needed him most. We are beyond thankful to have him as he brings such joy and happiness to us all.
*God is good. And He is big enough to handle my frustrations when I struggle with the "how's and why's" of everything. I also know that His plan is sovereign. He has been and will continue to use Sara and her story in the lives of many.
*I have a wonderful husband who loves me deeply and is standing by my side every step of the way. What a man.
*God understands pain. He is our strength when we are weak.
*We are beyond blessed to have the friends and family we do. Since day one there has been an outpouring of love, support and encouragement from those close to us, as well as some who have never even met Sara. In the last 2 months especially, I have been brought to tears several times by the thoughtfulness and generosity of so many. I can't even begin to express my gratitude.
*Joy and sorrow can walk hand in hand with one another. Even in the midst of pain, Wyatt will still light up when he sees me, coffee will still taste good, my family will still be funny, Brett will still make me laugh, and best of all, God's mercies will still be new every morning!
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So there you have it. That's all I have on this subject for now. My plan over the next few weeks is to get caught up with this whole blogging thing. Life has still been happening all around me and there really is so much to share. I'd like to use this blog as a place to be normal...as normal as can be considering the circumstances that are anything but.
Here's what to stay tuned for:
* Swenson Family Get Together & Sara's Graduation (the most amazing weekend ever)
* Wyatt Update (he's now almost 11 months and walking...YIKES!)
* Our House (we've been here for almost 3 months now and we love it)
* Working Momma (i've been back at ClubSport since mid November and it's going great)
* and more :)
7 comments:
thanks for sharing Kari! I love when you share your heart with us...you do it so well. The last two years of your life have been a whirlwind....or the last 4? God has written you a beautiful story and you are admist some tough chapters. Though tough, you are still encouraging....must be a Swenson thing :) I love you and am glad I get to share life with you. Can I be adopted into the Swenson family?
that comment was from me :) - Sarah Officer. The dot dot dot dot dot might of left you wondering! :)
yea! i'm so glad. i read every post your mom puts up ... and i think about you and your family all the time.
i can't wait to see your little guy. already walking??? definitely YIKES :).
i should clarify .. i'm so glad you are back! not glad about "sarah's stupid cancer". bless her heart. she's so sweet (i always think of her play we went and saw together in HS)
It makes me happy to see you blogging again. Now there are more ways for us to be friends. Praying for your family!
Glad you're back to blogging in the midst of all your pain and ever changing life. I love that "you are proud to be a Swenson" and that you have each other for support. I read your Mom's posts and pray for Sara and your family many times a day. So glad you guys were able to celebrate Sara's graduation and be together as a family again. Can't wait to see more picturs of Wyatt :) Praying for you!
how did i miss this post? well it made me cry. just so you know. i'm proud to be a swenson, too, even if just by marriage. :) and being married to your brother i can say that i understand how it affects every aspect of life. thanks for your honesty and transparency, kari! love you & miss you guys.
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