a year...and a little more

Has it really been over a year since my last post? I guess I sort of reached a point where I was just done with blogging. I wasn't sure why I was doing it anymore, and honestly, I just didn't feel like I had anything super important to write about. After writing about Sara's story for over 2 years, I just didn't think anything else mattered as much.

But here I am...back with another post. The main reason I'm back is because we're expecting baby #2 (technically, baby #3, but more on that later). When I was pregnant with Wyatt, I used this blog as a pregnancy journal of sorts, and I still enjoy looking back on those posts remembering the excitement and joy, as well as a few of the not so fun parts about pregnancy.  I'd really like to document this pregnancy in the same way and I figured this was probably the easiest way to do it.

With that said, consider this pregnancy post #1 (as I get back into it, I'll probably write about other topics unrelated to pregnancy).

So yeah, no more hiding it. I'm around 14 weeks pregnant, due mid August (but let's be honest, it could be early September if this one is anything like Wyatt  #noexpectations).  We are all so excited, including the little Mr. pictured above. He is thrilled about becoming a big brother and goes back and forth on whether he wants a little brother or a little sister. Brett and I both think it's another boy, but we'll find out for sure at the end of March.

God sure has blessed us with this pregnancy and we're very thankful. We had a miscarriage back in May and would've been welcoming that baby into our home in December. I know so many women deal with miscarriages and sometimes multiple miscarriages...both early in their pregnancies and late.. and some that even make it all the way to labor and delivery before losing their precious baby. My heart aches for all these women. But I have been so encouraged and uplifted by several of them.  Something that has been drilled into my brain and heart over the last few years is one simple word: HOPE. "Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer." Rom 12:12.

We found out that I had miscarried at my 12 week appointment, but I had already lost the baby over a month before that point. Viewing the ultrasound, it was determined that our little baby had stopped developing at 8 weeks and 3 days.  I, of course, wanted to know exactly when that day was and what I was doing, regardless of the fact I couldn't have prevented the loss. So, upon arriving home and in tears, I flipped back through my calendar until I found the date. 8 weeks and 3 days...May 2. The 1 year anniversary of Sara's death. My emotions took over. Initially, I was so angry. Why would God give me another reason to hate this day?! Of all days, why May 2?  But then, I began to find comfort in it. As strange as it may sound, I found comfort in thinking, "This is Sara's baby. She is holding and rocking and loving on that little baby...showing the love that I would've shown him/her if I could." And whether or not that's true, I can't help but think that God orchestrated the timing so I would find the slightest bit of comfort through those thoughts. I will always keep that image in my heart.

The story doesn't end there though. As one would expect, I struggled for awhile with the loss of this child, and as the due date drew closer and closer, it became even harder. The "what if" thoughts started creeping in and I just longed to be holding that baby. But wouldn't you know it....the day before my due date, I took a pregnancy test: POSITIVE! I couldn't believe it. So I took another one (ok, maybe two) and sure enough they all read the same result.  I was so excited, yet so scared at the same time.

But here we are, 14 weeks later. And although I still get anxious every once in awhile, I'm doing my best to trust in God's plan and continue being excited and thankful for this little one growing inside of me. So thankful.

Whatever It Takes

Yes, I'm back. Are you surprised? I know it's been 3 months, but I was just struggling with how to get back into the swing of things. The long hiatus wasn't due to lack of time, or lack of things to share. It was simply a lack of "know-how." I just didn't know how to go from writing about Sara to writing about going to the zoo? Bleh. Blah. Bluh.

So what did it take to get me to post again? I had knee surgery on Tuesday. It was nothing serious...just a minor, arthroscopic, get in there & clean things up sort of surgery. But I've been tied to the couch for the last 4 days and a person can only spend so much time on Facebook and Pinterest. I decided I had the time, so I might as well go for it.


So what have we been up to these last 3 months? Here is a quick recap of our summer through pictures:


Went on vacation with my side of the family to Bodega Bay, CA:

Spent many a sunny afternoon at the park playing in the water:

Played with Wyatt's best little girlfriend, Nora:

Discovered how much Wyatt loves black beans at Baja Fresh:

Had some good quality time with Brett's side of the family:

Attempted about 20 family pictures:

Took Wyatt on his first zoo trip where he perfected his elephant noise:

& realized we have quite the little athlete on our hands:

There is so much more that went on this summer - it was crazy busy! But this turned out to be a pretty packed post (say that 10x's fast), so I'll be back with more summer happenings and pictures in the next couple weeks. Or maybe even in the next couple days while I'm still tied to the couch (in between facebook stalking and pinning cool projects that I'll probably never do).

Happy Friday!

it's a new day

Yesterday marked 1 month of Sara being gone...and exactly 2 years since her doctor's appointment where the initial fear of cancer was brought to our attention. I didn't enjoy yesterday...to say the very least.

But, today is a new day. I woke up to the sunshine streaming through our windows and my baby singing in his crib. My in-laws were here so I left Wyatt with them to go run a few errands. I got my haircut and grabbed some Starbucks where I ran in to a dear friend's dad. There is something about dads, in general, that can make you feel so encouraged. Good dads, that is. I came home to Wyatt napping and a clean, calm house, thanks to my wonderful mother-in-law. And now, as I sit here sipping my coffee, I feel a sense of peace. The sunshine helps so much. I'd like to think that after all the rainy days we've had this week, and the horrible day I had yesterday, God knew I needed the sunshine today. He knew I needed to feel His presence and be reminded of Sara's new, amazing life with Him. There's never a cloudy day in heaven...I think Sara probably makes it even brighter.

So I am going to enjoy today... I'll enjoy the sunshine and soak up all I can from this little guy.

Hope it's sunny wherever you are too!

shining on

I have no idea how to appropriately begin this post. And as a warning, it will probably be long, and a bit depressing. But I hope to encourage at least one person's heart through this, even if it's just my own. Please bare with me.

The last 2 years have been an absolute whirlwind (specifically these last 2 months). There are many days when I have to remind myself that it's real. What seems to be a "this only happens to other people" story is now, in fact, my story. I don't like to say it out loud. I don't even like to think it. Because that makes it real. And I would rather live thinking I will wake up from this nightmare. But what I cling to is that it's no longer a nightmare for Sara. She's living the ultimate dream for all eternity. That makes me smile and breathe a huge sigh of relief for her.

I miss her every day, every hour...I find myself not knowing how or what to feel. When my heart is sad and broken, I feel as though I should be happy for her, focusing on the fact that she is pain-free, dancing and singing, and in absolute awe of her Savior. When I am relieved because of those things, I feel as though I should be hurting and sad that she's no longer with us. It's an endless circle. I know that's normal. It doesn't feel normal.

So when people ask me a sincere, "How are you doing?" I really don't know how to answer. I want to say "Good." That sounds heartless. I want to say "Horrible." That sounds, well, horrible. I know people understand, but I don't.

In a way, I am so relieved. She no longer has to suffer. She is not giving this world a second thought. She wouldn't rather be here than where she is. She is 100% healed and pain-free. For that, my heart sings. But in the same breath, I am so sad. Sad for all the things I will be missing of/with her. Sad for my parents and siblings and Sara's close friends....all the things they will be missing of/with her. See, you don't grieve the death of a person, you grieve the loss of a relationship. And each of our relationships with her were so special. She treated each of us like we were the most special, important person in her life. She made us all better, happier people.

I keep thinking about how happy she always was, even during the last 2 years of her battling cancer and facing death. Most would have thrown in the towel on finding happiness and joy through that sort of pain and suffering. But not her. She was so strong. Stronger than I would have ever expected.

She was at an age where her life should have been starting, but instead, it was ending. All of her friends' (and even us siblings') lives were just beginning. New jobs, finding love, marriage, starting families, etc. It's all what Sara had always imagined her life would look like at age 22. But instead of being mad and jealous, she was so happy for everyone and the joy they were experiencing in their lives. Don't get me wrong. She was, at times, sad. She expressed in her prayer journal that she was sad for all the things she would be missing out on. But she always followed those thoughts with a prayer like the following: "Lord, if that is not what you have for me, help me to live my life so that others may see your love. Help me to be a shining light for you." Amazing. Challenging. Inspiring. Sara.

Sara could have been upset and bitter about all she was missing out on, but she wasn't. Even during the immense pain and suffering she was experiencing, she couldn't help but be happy for those she loved. So now, as I face pain and hurt, I remember her example. Sara is experiencing the greatest joy and life there is. She is where all of us should desire to be some day. So even though I am dealing with grief and heartache, I need to be happy for her. Because that's how she was and would have been for me.

There is so much more I could say, but I'll end with the following: I know I will never move on from this, but I will live on. Sara's life and death have challenged me more than I've ever been challenged in my faith. And because of her example, I have committed to living a better life. A life that is dedicated to being a "shining light for Him."

I'm keeping a fresh vase of these on my table. They were Sara's favorite flowers and totally remind me of her every time I see them. Bright and sunny...and happy.

Boy oh Boy!

I can't believe the last time I posted about Wyatt was when he was 6 months old!?! He's 11 months now, people! Can you believe it? Obviously, there is a lot to catch up on, but let's be honest...how many of you (other than you, mom) actually care about all the "cute" and "cool" things my little boy did/is doing? Seriously, honestly, do you?

Well, I'm going to share anyway...but in fast forward: He crawled. He ate "real" food. He threw his food. He gained weight. He laughed. He was naughty. He laughed at being naughty. He was disciplined. He waved bye bye. He said "mama." He had his first Thanksgiving and Christmas. He was spoiled rotten. He saw his first snow fall. He went to the dermatologist (found out the "mole" on his forehead is actually a juvenile xanthogranuloma...nothing to worry about...should go away on it's own, eventually). He gained a love for dogs. He took his first steps. He got a black eye...and several more bruises. He should probably wear a helmet. He hasn't had a haircut, although he needs one. He cut 2 more teeth (and NOT the 2 front teeth...let's just say, it's a good thing vampires are "in" right now). He had his first plane ride. He loved on his Aunt Sara. He walked. He brought so much joy...and still is.

I seriously love this little boy so much. He has been such a blessing in our lives and I am so thankful that I get to be his mom.

let's face it

Yes, it's true....I'm back. For now at least. I can't promise I'll keep up with it like I used to, but I'll sure do my best.

See, here's the thing: I have definitely been putting this off. For multiple reasons. The main reason being, I don't even know where to start. So much has happened/is happening in our lives and I haven't wanted to face it. But I've had some time to deal with reality and I decided it's time. So let's just get right to it...

If you're reading this blog, you should be aware of what's going on with my sister. If you're not, then I have no idea who you are, but you can click on the link to the right that says "Sara's Story" and get up to speed. My mom has done an excellent job of sharing all that is going on with Sara and honestly, I am proud to call her my mom. If you have read any of her posts, you know why. She's amazing. And strong. And trusts God with her whole heart. And I hope and pray that some day I can be the kind of woman/mother she is.

Obviously, things have been pretty difficult lately, and I struggle with how to "feel." Most of the time, I'm just sad. Then I'm angry, with a tinge of guilt for feeling that way. Later I feel hopeful. And so it goes. My emotions change every day, every hour. It affects every aspect of my life. And I worry. I worry about how much life will change. I worry about not being a good wife, mom, daughter, sister, friend. But more so, I worry about Sara, my parents, and my siblings. And even Sara's friends. The whole thing is just too much. And I just want to be there with her, enjoying every moment we can.

Most of the time I find myself saying/thinking/writing: "I JUST DON'T KNOW!" And while that's how I feel most of the time, here are some things I do know to be true, in no particular order:

*I am proud to be a Swenson. I have an amazing family and am so thankful for the strength and love we have in each other.

*Sara is the strongest person I know. Through all of this, she still manages to smile, laugh, joke and love.

*Wyatt was the timeliest blessing of all. God knew we needed him in our lives, and blessed us with a beautiful, happy, funny little man, just when we needed him most. We are beyond thankful to have him as he brings such joy and happiness to us all.

*God is good. And He is big enough to handle my frustrations when I struggle with the "how's and why's" of everything. I also know that His plan is sovereign. He has been and will continue to use Sara and her story in the lives of many.

*I have a wonderful husband who loves me deeply and is standing by my side every step of the way. What a man.

*God understands pain. He is our strength when we are weak.

*We are beyond blessed to have the friends and family we do. Since day one there has been an outpouring of love, support and encouragement from those close to us, as well as some who have never even met Sara. In the last 2 months especially, I have been brought to tears several times by the thoughtfulness and generosity of so many. I can't even begin to express my gratitude.

*Joy and sorrow can walk hand in hand with one another. Even in the midst of pain, Wyatt will still light up when he sees me, coffee will still taste good, my family will still be funny, Brett will still make me laugh, and best of all, God's mercies will still be new every morning!

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So there you have it. That's all I have on this subject for now. My plan over the next few weeks is to get caught up with this whole blogging thing. Life has still been happening all around me and there really is so much to share. I'd like to use this blog as a place to be normal...as normal as can be considering the circumstances that are anything but.

Here's what to stay tuned for:

* Swenson Family Get Together & Sara's Graduation (the most amazing weekend ever)

* Wyatt Update (he's now almost 11 months and walking...YIKES!)

* Our House (we've been here for almost 3 months now and we love it)

* Working Momma (i've been back at ClubSport since mid November and it's going great)

* and more :)

too much

There is just too much going on right now. I'm overwhelmed and I'm taking a break from blogging. But before I go, let me give you a little info on all that's going on in our lives.

First off, we're buying a house. Yep, we're taking the plunge. We couldn't be more excited, but it's definitely a little overwhelming. We hope to close by the end of this month if all goes well. Here's a little looksy and once things settle down and it actually becomes official, I'll give more details and pics.

Secondly, because of this whole mortgage thing we'll be diving into, we decided I needed to go back to work part time to help us sit a little more comfortably in the $$ dept. God worked it out for me to return part time to my old job at ClubSport. Great thing is, I can take Wyatt with me. They offer free child care for their employees, which is such a blessing. I'll be starting back up this week. It's crazy, but I'm thankful.

Lastly, but WAY more importantly...

Things with my sister have taken a turn. I honestly have no words. My mom posted on CaringBridge so I'll just share her words, since I have none of my own.

We had a difficult weekend. I talked to the oncologist on Friday. He told us that because Sara's cancer has come back so quickly, and in both her lung, AND her leg. . . . it is not good. He said that most likely it will keep coming back, and she has a very slim chance of beating it. Sara has been through the best prescribed protocol of treatment for osteosarcoma, and seemed to respond very well. Now that she has moved into this phase of recurrent disease, we are in more of an unknown arena. There are clinical studies out there for recurrence in the lungs, but the ones that her oncologist knows of, she is no longer eligible for because of the recurrence in her leg. The best thing we can do is to just keep taking those spots out, as long as we can. He said he can give Sara some options about further treatment, but that we need to have that tough conversation and let Sara make some decisions about what she wants in her life right now. So, we have had some TOUGH conversations this past weekend.

We really don't KNOW any more than that. Sara thinks she will most likely opt for a low dose chemotheraphy that she can take and still go back to school. . . . if the side effects are mild enough. She has a list of questions for her oncologist. We are also looking into diet options. The crazy thing is (and I know I've said this before), Sara has always been so HEALTHY. Even now, aside from her limp, and the fact that she is sore and tired all the time, she says she feels good. It is just so hard to believe this is true.

We have seen God's hand constantly through this whole thing. We know that He can still bring miraculous and TOTAL healing, and we pray with every breath that He will. Please pray for Sara, and for us, as we are all struggling to make those hard decisions, and continuing to move forward, trusting God with faith and hope. It is hard for us to talk about, so we trust you understand if we don't respond much right now. We are all still processing and trying to gain a "foothold". Please be especially sensitive in your conversation with Sara. She has always been our eternal optomist. . . finding the good in every situation, always happy, and wanting everyone around her to be happy. She still wants that. She wants to live like God wants her to live. . . . in every sense of that statement. At the same time, our hearts are breaking. . . and we need to be able to acknowledge that as well. Basically, we don't know how to do this.

So this is the verse we are holding on to - Phillippians 4:8-9
"Whatever is TRUE, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is LOVELY, whatever is of good report. . . . . let your mind dwell on these things. . . . and the God of PEACE shall be with you".

It's too much. My mind and heart don't know how to handle everything that's going on. And to be honest, I'm not sure I'll figure it out. I'm overwhelmed and on an emotional rollercoaster. There are such exciting things going on in our lives right now with the new house and the newish job, but their tainted with the reality of what's going on with Sara. So I'm just going to try. I'll try to take it day by day. I'll try to focus on the positive. I'll try to be excited and thankful for all the new blessings in my life. I'll try to be a good wife and a good mom. I'll try to trust in God's plan. And I'll try to lean on His strength and not my own.

Please pray. Pray for a miracle to take place in Sara's body. And pray for my family. For strength and peace and understanding, when it feels like there's none.

we've been busy (part 1)

Woah...has it really been over a month since i last blogged? Oops...ah well, I'm back now and I'm sure none of you really "missed" me. If you did, it was probably more the pictures of Wyatt that you were missing, huh? It's okay, you can be honest. I won't be offended. He's way cuter than me, so I get it. :)

So yes, we've been busy. Busy travelling, spending time with family and friends, celebrating birthdays, watching Wyatt get bigger and cuter by the minute, and just trying to enjoy the summer, despite all the homework Brett's been doing for his master's classes.

I feel like there's just too much to post about, so I whipped up a calendar of what we've been up to for the last month and a half. . . and what we have still coming up. As much fun as it's been seeing family and friends, all the travelling has worn me out! It's good to be home . . . (even if it is only for another week).

Here are some pictures from trip 1 of our summer....more to come later.

my beautiful parents

grandma & wyatt

great grandma & wyatt


grandpa & wyatt watching the world cup game



sara rocks the short hair, doesn't she?

Uncle Sam & Wyatt's first meeting...they really loved each other!

on the road...again

As I mentioned before, more pictures of our summer will be coming later. Look back for "part 2" soon.

a year: june 2009 - june 2010

*warning: this is a longer than normal post...but i did include pictures at the end.

o·ver·whelm·ing [oh-ver-hwel-ming]
– adjective

definition:
1. overpowering
2. overcome completely in mind or feeling

Have you ever typed in a word at thesaraus.com hoping to find a word/words that better describes what you're trying to convey? I do it often, but maybe it's because I don't have a good vocabulary, or more so, because I'm not exactly sure what it is I'm trying to convey, and hope that thesaraus.com will help me figure it out. Regardless, this afternoon I was thinking a lot about the past year - from June 2009 to June 2010 - and the only word that kept coming to mind was OVERWHELMING. And while this word definitely describes this past year, I wanted more.

So, I hit up the previous mentioned website and typed in my word: o-v-e-r-w-h-e-l-m-i-n-g.

synonyms: amazing, astounding, crushing, devastating, exciting, eye-opening, mind-boggling, overcoming, paralyzing, shattering, staggering, stunning, vast

I sat and read through the list. . .and read it again. . . slowly. . . thinking about how every single one of the above words totally describes the way I (and I'm sure the rest of my family) feel about what God has done in our lives over the last 12 months.

June 4, 2009 was the day that turned our lives upside down. Our worlds were rocked, and rocked hard! And the crushing, devastating, mind-boggling, paralyzing, staggering and shattering feelings began. It's still hard to think about what all of us went through, dealing with the pain and reality that our happy, energetic, bubbly, funny, smart and beautiful Sara had life threatening cancer. It was unreal.

As my family set out on this difficult journey, God had a totally unexpected, but wonderful blessing in store for us. On July 25, just a month and a half after Sara's diagnosis, Brett and I found out we were expecting! Again, our worlds were rocked, and rocked hard! And the amazing, exciting, mind-boggling, and overcoming feelings came out. At first, I was very scared. Scared that this was the worst timing ever, scared that I wasn't emotionally prepared to be a good mom, scared of what family and friends would think, scared that God was giving us something so good because something so bad was about to happen. . . just plain scared. I was also overcome with a feeling of guilt. Who was I to be experiencing such incredible joy, when my sister was experiencing such incredible pain and suffering? But in time, God showed me that this was His perfect plan. That His ways are SO much bigger and better than my ways. Wyatt truly was the most timely blessing. . . something my family could be excited about, something to distract us from the hell of cancer, something that Sara could look forward to. My feelings of fear and guilt eventually turned to joy and gratitude.

And now, a year later, Sara has fought her way through 3 major surgeries and 36 weeks of chemotherapy, and has held and loved on her nephew to boot. So, as she heads in to what we hope and pray will be her last surgery, we couldn't be more thankful. My mom said it best on Sara's CaringBridge website: "What a year it has been!! God has been very gracious to us through this last year, and we have all learned more than we could ever have imagined . . . in a way we never would have chosen. . . June is a month of great hope for us. We are praying that this surgery brings Sara's leg to a place where she is able to work toward some relatively normal mobility. We are also praying that her first set of "every three month post cancer" scans, which are scheduled for the end of June are totally clear. Sara is doing GREAT right now. Her face has lost that hollowed out look, she has color in her cheeks, eyebrows and eyelashes,and even a little hair on her head (still waiting to see if it might be curly - Sara's wish). She is walking around without her crutches, working on several projects, and yesterday even tried driving!! Our hearts are filled with thankfulness every time we look at her or hear her laughter (which is often). So much to be thankful for!!!!"

Seriously. . . what a year!!

Sara,

You are such a strong woman and I have learned so much from you in the last 12 months. You have an amazing spirit and I have been inspired by your strength and faith, as well as your smile and laugh, more times than I can count this last year. God has used you to touch an incredible amount of lives and I can't wait to see how He is going to use you next. I am SO proud to call you my sister and I know Wyatt will be just as proud to call you his aunt. We love you!!

latest happenings

Brett was duct taped to a wall during an assembly at his elementary school last week.

Wyatt is smiling more and more every day...and not just because of gas.

These two came to visit for the weekend.

& Brett and I just registered for this half marathon: http://arizona.competitor.com/

...oh and Brett has strep throat....awesome.

1st's

It's been a week of 1st's:

We survived our first week at home alone with no daddy/hubby. Brett went back to work on Monday and I was really sad to see him go. It was SO nice having him home for 3 weeks, I think I might have gotten TOO used to it. Good thing summer is right around the corner, right?

Wyatt had his first official diaper blow-out. We were out to coffee with a friend and the bathroom didn't have a changing station (lame!)... plus I didn't think to bring a change of clothes for him, so he just wore it for a couple hours.

We went on our first long walk. Wyatt loved being outside and I enjoyed getting in a little bit of a workout. We both LOVE our stroller...check it out here. (we got the black one)

Wyatt received his first bible at his baby dedication this morning at church.

I came downstairs this morning to a coffee and hawaiian bagel (my favorite) from Starbucks and a beautiful bouquet of flowers in honor of my first mother's day! Simply being a mom is the greatest gift of all.

and tomorrow, Wyatt will complete his first month of life healthy and happy. He is such a good baby and we are so so thankful for him.

Hurry up, summer!

This season in our lives has been SO CRAZY BUSY! It's amazing how much people manage to pack in to a day...a week...a month... Yep - we are so GUILTY! Our days are packed with stuff and A LOT of it.

We do it to ourselves and then we complain. Okay, Brett doesn't really complain, but I'll confess that I'm not as strong in that area. Let's be honest, I enjoy seeing my husband every once in awhile.

Well, change is coming. (Hopefully along with some sunny summer weather. I love the beauty of Oregon, but I'm pretty sure we had every season wrapped up into one day this past Saturday...enough already!) At the end of this month, I will be leaving my job at ClubSport. I've been there for just under 2 years and have really enjoyed it. The only thing I haven't enjoyed is the almost 2 hours worth of a commute each day. YUCK! So, after much thought and even more prayer, we felt like it was time to make a change. We're not sure what's next for me, but we do know that everything will work out. It always does.

Before we get too wrapped up in figuring out the future, we are going to focus on enjoying our summer together. Brett and I are coming up on our 2 year anniversary and both summers since then haven't exactly been...umm, what's the word...relaxing, enjoyable, together time.... Our first summer after getting married, Brett was working for a paving company and would literally work from sun up to sun down. He would then come home completely wiped out to a wife with a runny nose, itchy, watery eyes and a completely stuffed up head. I've never had worse allergies in my life and I was miserable. Then, last summer, Brett came down with a case of mono that knocked him completely flat for almost 8 weeks. I'm talking fever of 104, 2 visits to ER, can't get off the couch, can't lift an arm to feed himself or even get a drink, throwing up on the floor, lose 30 lbs, sick. I couldn't even go into work because someone had to be with him throughout the day in case he needed something. Craziness!

We look back on all of that now and laugh (there will be some good stories for our kids some day) and we realize that things could have been much worse. So even though all of that happened, we are very thankful for everything God has given us and what we've learned from it all. And now we are looking forward to what's in store for us this time around. :) I'll be finishing up work at the end of May and Brett will be getting done with teaching by mid-June. We don't have a whole lot planned for the summer months, but one thing is for sure - whatever we do, we'll be doing it together and enjoying every minute!

Lazy days

Oh how I love lazy days. You know - the ones where there is absolutely nothing on the schedule - you get to relax and do whatever your little heart desires. Well, if I'm lucky, I get one every couple weeks, which isn't too bad. That one day is something I look forward to more than a lot of other things. Don't get me wrong, my personality is one that requires the go-go-go lifestyle, and I enjoy those things that keep us ever so busy. However, I can't deny how nice it is and very much needed to have a day here and there when you can just "aaahhhhh" - breathe! So what do I do on days such as these? Like I said - whatever I want.

Here is what a perfect lazy day for me might look like - minus the hubby. (It's a snapshot of a day when Brett is busy with work, baseball or golf. If he's around, this day looks completely different, and even more wonderful, because not only would it be a lazy day, but a lazy day with my husband. It couldn't be much better than that).

* When I wake up, it's not to my alarm, but rather because I've gotten all the sleep I need and I'm simply not tired any more. Preferrably, the clock would read somewhere between 8:30 and 9:30am. (oh and the sun is out - not a cloud in the sky).

* Time to curl up on the couch (still in my pajamas) with a nice hot cup of coffee, a blanket, and a good book. Here's what I'm currently reading

* An extra long shower, no rush to get my hair and make-up done, and plenty of time to pick out a comfy, but super cute outfit.

* A little outing that might include stops at Craft Warehouse, Tuesday Morning, Goodwill (maybe I'll find a treasure or two), Ross and of course Target - don't worry, I won't go crazy. I just get a few things that are super on sale and are a great addition to my home or wardrobe. Some of my previous finds include a $7 mirror, $2 candle and $4 candlestick all from Ross, and $4 frames from Tuesday Morning, all pictured below.

* Back home for some lunch and maybe even a little cat nap while watching HGTV - something that isn't really "allowed" when Brett is home.

* Blog surfing (particularly on blogs that have to do with crafting or decorating) so I can get some good inspiration - and satisfy my guilty pleasure of blog stalking. While surfing, I found this adorable idea. We don't have a family yet, so therefore no "Family Rules," but this little gem of an idea is something I will definitely keep in mind for the future. Such a fun and creative idea for a kids play room or even a family room.

and last, but not least - because it's just a part of who I am,

*straightening and cleaning up the house until Brett gets home. Mainly using this bad boy of a dustbuster. I love this thing and Brett will confirm that it was by far my favorite wedding gift. I know, I know - I'm SO cool.

lazy day . . . I await you!

I don't have time for this!

So, I'm on my way home from work today - it's pouring, the roads are wet, and semi-trucks are spraying up loads of water on my windshield! I start passing a truck and can't really see anything when "WHAMMO!" Water isn't the only thing trucks are kicking up! All the sudden my windshield looks likes this -

FYI, that's about the size of a softball. $180 (and a day without my car) later, I'll have a new windshield. Like I said, I don't have time for this.

Random

For some reason, I haven't been able to fall asleep at my normal bed time for the last three nights. So, I end up doing silly things like coming up with 20 random facts about myself...here's a little bit about me:

1. I love pressing the snooze button on my alarm and do so at least 3 times every morning.

2. I use my dustbuster at least once every day.

3. I watch workout DVD's or FitTv for fun (that's right, I said watch...not do).

4. I love to clean and can't stand an unorganized house. I notice when something is even a couple inches out of place (don't worry, this is only true in my own home).

5. Luke-warm orange juice totally grosses me out.

6. My closet is color coordinated and has been since jr. high school.

7. I just recently started color coordinating Brett's closet...he hasn't mentioned it yet, so I'm pretty sure he likes it. :)

8. I used to be really gullible but then I married a jokester and now I don't believe anything.

9. I didn't get a cell phone until I was a sophomore in college.

10. I get distracted very easily and can't focus on a conversation if there is too much going on at the same time...especially if it's a phone conversation.

11. I can push my stomach out to make it look like I am 6 months pregnant.

12. I can't wait to be a mom and hope to have a houseful of kids, Lord willing.

13. I love watching re-runs of CSI

14. My favorite TV show is So You Think You Can Dance and I wish it was on all year round.

15. I love the smell of campfire and dryer sheets (separately, not combined)

16. I dream of owning my own business someday but go back and forth on what that business would actually be.

17. 3 things I could see myself being, but doubt it will ever happen: professional organizer, wedding planner or personal shopper. (maybe I should combine those three into one for the above mentioned business??)

18. I thrive on challenges and always throw myself completely in to whatever I do.

19. I am a fairly stubborn, passionate and extreme person. Black/white, right/wrong, love/hate...because of that, I tend to be somewhat argumentative - but only when I'm right ;)

20. I wish I was - less argumentative, a better listener, less anxious about the future, a better cook, less "OCD" about organization, and more patient. BUT - I'm so thankful that my husband loves me the way he does regardless of those things.

21. I am finally sleepy and off to bed!

Think Happy Thoughts

I've always been a pretty happy person - thankful for what I have, excited about what God will do for us next, but still enjoying the moment. Lately though, I've been struggling with putting it all together. I'm such a future thinker that at times I get too excited for what's coming next and forget to enjoy right where I'm at. We have a really big book called The 2,548 Best Things Anybody Ever Said. It has quotes on anything you can think of. Sometimes they are funny, sometimes they are really lame, but sometimes they actually have some meaning. Here are several I found on happiness that really hit home for me:

"Gratefulness is the key to a happy life. If we are not grateful, then no matter how much we have we will not be happy. We will always want to have something else or something more. Be grateful for what God has given you. Others may not be so blessed."

"Happiness mainly comes from our own attitude, rather than from external factors. If your own mental attitude is correct, even if you remain in a blah atmosphere, you feel happy."

"Now and then it's good to pause in our pursuit of happiness and just be happy."

"You need to learn to be happy by nature, because you'll seldom have the chance to be happy by circumstance."

"You will never be happier than you expect. To change your happiness, change your expectation."

"A happy person is not a person in a certain set of circumstances, but rather a person with a certain set of attitudes."

Good reminders!

Moon Soft

Out of toilet paper?

One of my responsibilities as the townhouse manager at the college is to supply toilet paper to the residents when they've run out. This means that once a month or so, I get 2 very large boxes of tp delivered to my front door. I then gather as many plastic bags from around our house as I can find and place 10 rolls in each bag for easy hand out when students come knocking. So yes, I have over 100 rolls of toilet paper in my closet right now...

COSTCO for life!

I drive over 400 miles per week with my commute -I know....LAME! I fill my tank up at least once a week and as I'm sure you've all noticed, gas is expensive! Even though we are Costco members, the gas line is always so long and because patience isn't one of my strengths, I choose to go with the quicker, but more expensive option. I normally choose the closest Chevron. Today, however, I decided to brave the Costco lines. Even though it took me about 25 minutes to get through the line, it was so totally worth it. I spent just over $25 to fill my tank. $2.22 per gallon, people! I can't remember the last time gas was that cheap. I am so excited about this that I will be dealing with my impatient ways to ensure lower gas prices for life!