a year: june 2009 - june 2010

*warning: this is a longer than normal post...but i did include pictures at the end.

o·ver·whelm·ing [oh-ver-hwel-ming]
– adjective

definition:
1. overpowering
2. overcome completely in mind or feeling

Have you ever typed in a word at thesaraus.com hoping to find a word/words that better describes what you're trying to convey? I do it often, but maybe it's because I don't have a good vocabulary, or more so, because I'm not exactly sure what it is I'm trying to convey, and hope that thesaraus.com will help me figure it out. Regardless, this afternoon I was thinking a lot about the past year - from June 2009 to June 2010 - and the only word that kept coming to mind was OVERWHELMING. And while this word definitely describes this past year, I wanted more.

So, I hit up the previous mentioned website and typed in my word: o-v-e-r-w-h-e-l-m-i-n-g.

synonyms: amazing, astounding, crushing, devastating, exciting, eye-opening, mind-boggling, overcoming, paralyzing, shattering, staggering, stunning, vast

I sat and read through the list. . .and read it again. . . slowly. . . thinking about how every single one of the above words totally describes the way I (and I'm sure the rest of my family) feel about what God has done in our lives over the last 12 months.

June 4, 2009 was the day that turned our lives upside down. Our worlds were rocked, and rocked hard! And the crushing, devastating, mind-boggling, paralyzing, staggering and shattering feelings began. It's still hard to think about what all of us went through, dealing with the pain and reality that our happy, energetic, bubbly, funny, smart and beautiful Sara had life threatening cancer. It was unreal.

As my family set out on this difficult journey, God had a totally unexpected, but wonderful blessing in store for us. On July 25, just a month and a half after Sara's diagnosis, Brett and I found out we were expecting! Again, our worlds were rocked, and rocked hard! And the amazing, exciting, mind-boggling, and overcoming feelings came out. At first, I was very scared. Scared that this was the worst timing ever, scared that I wasn't emotionally prepared to be a good mom, scared of what family and friends would think, scared that God was giving us something so good because something so bad was about to happen. . . just plain scared. I was also overcome with a feeling of guilt. Who was I to be experiencing such incredible joy, when my sister was experiencing such incredible pain and suffering? But in time, God showed me that this was His perfect plan. That His ways are SO much bigger and better than my ways. Wyatt truly was the most timely blessing. . . something my family could be excited about, something to distract us from the hell of cancer, something that Sara could look forward to. My feelings of fear and guilt eventually turned to joy and gratitude.

And now, a year later, Sara has fought her way through 3 major surgeries and 36 weeks of chemotherapy, and has held and loved on her nephew to boot. So, as she heads in to what we hope and pray will be her last surgery, we couldn't be more thankful. My mom said it best on Sara's CaringBridge website: "What a year it has been!! God has been very gracious to us through this last year, and we have all learned more than we could ever have imagined . . . in a way we never would have chosen. . . June is a month of great hope for us. We are praying that this surgery brings Sara's leg to a place where she is able to work toward some relatively normal mobility. We are also praying that her first set of "every three month post cancer" scans, which are scheduled for the end of June are totally clear. Sara is doing GREAT right now. Her face has lost that hollowed out look, she has color in her cheeks, eyebrows and eyelashes,and even a little hair on her head (still waiting to see if it might be curly - Sara's wish). She is walking around without her crutches, working on several projects, and yesterday even tried driving!! Our hearts are filled with thankfulness every time we look at her or hear her laughter (which is often). So much to be thankful for!!!!"

Seriously. . . what a year!!

Sara,

You are such a strong woman and I have learned so much from you in the last 12 months. You have an amazing spirit and I have been inspired by your strength and faith, as well as your smile and laugh, more times than I can count this last year. God has used you to touch an incredible amount of lives and I can't wait to see how He is going to use you next. I am SO proud to call you my sister and I know Wyatt will be just as proud to call you his aunt. We love you!!