too much

There is just too much going on right now. I'm overwhelmed and I'm taking a break from blogging. But before I go, let me give you a little info on all that's going on in our lives.

First off, we're buying a house. Yep, we're taking the plunge. We couldn't be more excited, but it's definitely a little overwhelming. We hope to close by the end of this month if all goes well. Here's a little looksy and once things settle down and it actually becomes official, I'll give more details and pics.

Secondly, because of this whole mortgage thing we'll be diving into, we decided I needed to go back to work part time to help us sit a little more comfortably in the $$ dept. God worked it out for me to return part time to my old job at ClubSport. Great thing is, I can take Wyatt with me. They offer free child care for their employees, which is such a blessing. I'll be starting back up this week. It's crazy, but I'm thankful.

Lastly, but WAY more importantly...

Things with my sister have taken a turn. I honestly have no words. My mom posted on CaringBridge so I'll just share her words, since I have none of my own.

We had a difficult weekend. I talked to the oncologist on Friday. He told us that because Sara's cancer has come back so quickly, and in both her lung, AND her leg. . . . it is not good. He said that most likely it will keep coming back, and she has a very slim chance of beating it. Sara has been through the best prescribed protocol of treatment for osteosarcoma, and seemed to respond very well. Now that she has moved into this phase of recurrent disease, we are in more of an unknown arena. There are clinical studies out there for recurrence in the lungs, but the ones that her oncologist knows of, she is no longer eligible for because of the recurrence in her leg. The best thing we can do is to just keep taking those spots out, as long as we can. He said he can give Sara some options about further treatment, but that we need to have that tough conversation and let Sara make some decisions about what she wants in her life right now. So, we have had some TOUGH conversations this past weekend.

We really don't KNOW any more than that. Sara thinks she will most likely opt for a low dose chemotheraphy that she can take and still go back to school. . . . if the side effects are mild enough. She has a list of questions for her oncologist. We are also looking into diet options. The crazy thing is (and I know I've said this before), Sara has always been so HEALTHY. Even now, aside from her limp, and the fact that she is sore and tired all the time, she says she feels good. It is just so hard to believe this is true.

We have seen God's hand constantly through this whole thing. We know that He can still bring miraculous and TOTAL healing, and we pray with every breath that He will. Please pray for Sara, and for us, as we are all struggling to make those hard decisions, and continuing to move forward, trusting God with faith and hope. It is hard for us to talk about, so we trust you understand if we don't respond much right now. We are all still processing and trying to gain a "foothold". Please be especially sensitive in your conversation with Sara. She has always been our eternal optomist. . . finding the good in every situation, always happy, and wanting everyone around her to be happy. She still wants that. She wants to live like God wants her to live. . . . in every sense of that statement. At the same time, our hearts are breaking. . . and we need to be able to acknowledge that as well. Basically, we don't know how to do this.

So this is the verse we are holding on to - Phillippians 4:8-9
"Whatever is TRUE, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is LOVELY, whatever is of good report. . . . . let your mind dwell on these things. . . . and the God of PEACE shall be with you".

It's too much. My mind and heart don't know how to handle everything that's going on. And to be honest, I'm not sure I'll figure it out. I'm overwhelmed and on an emotional rollercoaster. There are such exciting things going on in our lives right now with the new house and the newish job, but their tainted with the reality of what's going on with Sara. So I'm just going to try. I'll try to take it day by day. I'll try to focus on the positive. I'll try to be excited and thankful for all the new blessings in my life. I'll try to be a good wife and a good mom. I'll try to trust in God's plan. And I'll try to lean on His strength and not my own.

Please pray. Pray for a miracle to take place in Sara's body. And pray for my family. For strength and peace and understanding, when it feels like there's none.